WHY WON’T WE BE TOGETHER FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR…

“Because it’s awkward”

As if I’m not intimate with the ripping of that word
As if I don’t know what lies beneath
The rough edges and how they cut
How the cracks creep
When there’s weight of dead space
And the brutality of what was

This pain in my throat
Devouring my dignity
Feeding uncertainty

Every holiday
Every birthday
Every gathering stuck sitting

It won’t go away
And I’m drowning in the quiet
Dying in the silence
Between the bones of all the words I should say.