© Ganga White
From Yoga Beyond Belief
Ganga White is the founder of the White Lotus Foundation and co-director of its 40 acre Yoga retreat and training center in Santa Barbara. He is the author of Yoga Beyond Belief—Insights to Awaken and Deepen Your Practice.
Moving From You To We; Trapped
We live in a pain dwelling, a place where climbing out you’re sure to cut your hands, little cuts that burn and sting their way towards healing for days. Scars can be a nice reminder that your body is still existing, there’s that positive outlook we’ve been trying for. My mind is so deep into lockdown I’m lucky to form simple sentences, I can barely form the words to tell you we need to get some air. We have to go outside and breathe and walk and feel air and breeze and breathe it all. We are the living oxymoron, the prisoner and warden in one, our minds. Wrestling to control the unsalvageable halls from which we can never escape, you can’t escape yourself. At least we can break outta this shit hole, and let’s, we do, we pierce the encasings and sneak out towards the sea.
For us, there’s no such thing as sleep, it’s a kind of freedom we can’t afford. Because as we lay to slumber they feel us relaxing, and they reach out with their spindly claws, long unhappy vine fingers, interloping and meandering, sneaking stealth of spite, one prick and you’re lost, sound all alarms, we will not be caught unawares this night. So we walk, we may as well walk, we may as well be nearby the opulence of the sea, the only divinity and splendor we know.
Our defenses cannot be fortified, our walls left unmeasured due to exhaustion, a warden without sleep can’t order barbed wire. You can’t keep them in, you can’t let yourself out, you can’t escape yourself. We walk aimlessly, and you throw stones, maybe your bad thoughts will fly away and drown with the rock in the sea (thankless secret-keeper).
We may as well be underwater with that stone you threw, we can’t get to fresh air from the deep end. We need perspective, clarity, to be genuine- it was a good plan, to be genuine and honest, but how do we stop for a moment, how do we breathe? Staring at the sea we know what to do but we still cannot do it. We have no country, no homeland, no home, we don’t even know where we are it’s absurd, you can’t go home again I read that in a story and someone miles ago said lost generation I hear it through a cloud and is that us, because we are lost. It’s not coping, it’s not thinking, and you do the most insane things it just doesn’t make any sense, me too, I know, we do the most insane things, we can’t escape ourselves and I don’t understand, I don’t know why you don’t just give it a break and stop inviting people in.
This house is too dark, this ocean is too deep. Even if you let the right one in, they can’t let us out.
Allison Fabian is a writer of impressionistic fiction and poetry, and serves as Editor-in-Chief at The Insomniac Propagandist, an art and literary magazine for the strange at heart. She is an avid supporter of intersectional feminism, which she promotes through writing, volunteering, and the occasional flash walk, most recently at Ignite Chicago. Allison’s favorite things are creating much needed words, alliteration, collective nouns, and dogs.
The Adoration
Passion of the Christ
The Letter
The Widow
Day Dream
Spellbound
The Painterly Photo
The Wonderful Women of Oz
Sisters of Light
Vermont Landscape
Thomas Dodd is a visual artist and photographer based out of the USA who has developed a style that he calls “painterly photo montage” – a method he employs in editing software in which he crafts elaborately textured pieces that have a very organic and decidedly non-digital look to them. His work often has mythic and quasi-religious themes that pay homage to Old Master art traditions while at the same time drawing from psychological archetypes that evoke a strong emotional response from the viewer.
Although his artwork resembles paintings, his pieces are entirely photographic in nature, fusing many images into a cohesive whole. His larger works are often presented in a mixed media form that adds a depth and texture that complements the photography beautifully.
Thomas has had numerous exhibitions of his works in many cities in the USA and around the world. He also has work on permanent exhibition in Paris at the Galerie L’oeil du Prince and at Art Gallery Constantin in Senlis France. This year (2014) he has shows in Poland, Germany, Romania, New York City, Mexico City, Orlando, San Antonio, Seattle, New Orleans as well as in his hometown of Atlanta. Dodd’s photographs have been featured in many magazines, on book and album covers and he is also the subject of an upcoming documentary film on the art nude and censorship in modern times.
Sing, silver-silent stars,
Sing this dear one to sleep;
For the day has been long and trying,
The tasks heavy and difficult.
Whisper, chalk-dust moon,
Whisper this precious spirit to rest.
For night is here, with offerings of
Stillness, patience, and recovery.
Surrender, sweet friend,
Surrender to the arms of gentle darkness
And drift into peaceful dreams,
Knowing that you are loved.
Elizabeth Massie is an award winning horror author and short fiction author. Her works Sineater and Stephen both gaining her Bram Stoker Awards. She has also written historical fiction for young adults, media tie-ins, and non-fiction for American History textbooks, educational readers, and testing programs. The preceding poem can be found in Night Benedictions: Gentle Thoughts, Poems, and Meditations For the End of the Day, due for release in print in late October 2014.
When Will The Whirling Stop
When will the whirling stop and vertigo subside
I wonder where my place is and where I put my life
In self-made seclusion achievements stand like shadows
I can put my fingers on but never really touch
Then somewhere close behind me someone calls my name
If I turn and look who will I see
“Turn around. Turn around and see who you are in the light
Turn around and see who you are to me.”
When I flee to my museum I have inside my head
I walk halls where joy springs up like something made of lead
I question the curator on construction of new wings
I press him for details and touch a shell of skin
Then somewhere close behind me someone calls my name
If I turn and look who will I see
“Come out. Come out and see who you are in the light
Come out and see who you are to me.”
I stumble through ruins
Of my own design
And I fall
When I favor bruises and seek solitude
I scratch at old habits and open old wounds
I study scars like trophies of pain
Where a whole history in flames inside
Then somewhere close behind me someone calls my name
If I turn and look who will I see
“Rise up. Rise up and see who you are in the light
Rise up and see who you are to me
I will always love you
I will always
Love you.”
©Copyright 1991
by Peter J. Stahl
“I understand that my work is unusual and in some ways indefinable; people don’t know which box to put it in. And I’ve fought with myself over the years, like, why couldn’t I be a painter like everybody else? But, for better or worse, this is what I do.” — Alan Wolfson
I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes, I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.
“Just a minute,” answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90’s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940’s movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
“Would you carry my bag out to the car?” she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. “It’s nothing,” I told her. “I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.”
“Oh, you’re such a good boy,” she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, “Could you drive through downtown?”
“It’s not the shortest way,” I answered quickly.
“Oh, I don’t mind,” she said. “I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.”
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. “I don’t have any family left,” she continued in a soft voice. “The doctor says I don’t have very long.” I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
“What route would you like me to take?” I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, “I’m tired. Let’s go now.”
We drove in silence to the address she had given me.
It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
“How much do I owe you?” she asked, reaching into her purse.
“Nothing,” I said.
“You have to make a living,” she answered.
“There are other passengers,” I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
“You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,” she said. “Thank you.”
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.
I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware — beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
Courtesy of www.elderhelpers.org
Photo by Patsy Dunn
Jeremy Sumpter is best known for his role in the film Peter Pan (2003). He also appeared in a reoccurring role in Friday Night Lights, and in the films Frailty and Soul Surfer. He can currently be seen in the disaster flick Into the Storm.
What was it like growing up in Kentucky? What did you enjoy most about that?
Growing up in Kentucky was great. You couldn’t ask for a better place to be raised. I grew up fishing, hunting, camping and playing with my buddies in the woods and just being a little wild country boy.
When did you first become interested in acting? Did you ever want to do anything else?
When I wasn’t fishing or hunting or catching catfish in the creek with my bare hands, I was inside watching movies. One film I watched all the time was Twister. It just so happens that Bill Paxton gave me my big break, casting me in my first film, Frailty. I’ll be forever grateful as that is what landed me further roles.
What do you love most about acting?
I love acting because you get to be imaginative and become other people. I know a lot of us think at some point “I wish I was someone else.” Well that’s my job, to be someone else and bring them alive.
How old were you when you had to portray the young Adam Mieks in Frailty?
When I played Adam Meiks in Frailty I was eleven.
There was some controversy at the time due to the violent content of the film and the young age of the actors. What are your thoughts on that? What was that whole experience like? Did you enjoy working with Bill Paxton?
I don’t recall there being controversy. I know that there were two young boys being put into an intense situation with a crazy father. That can be a little hard to watch, seeing these two boys dropping chopped up bodies out bags into these graves and burying them for their dad. Like I said earlier, we are playing other characters and bringing them to life so if that is the way you felt, I guess it was a job well done for us.
Demons were a major part of the story in Frailty. What are you feelings on demons and such?
I like paranormal stuff but I don’t really believe in ghosts. I believe in demons. I’m a Christian and I know there are demons out there but I’m not too worried about them.
What was it like to portray Peter Pan? Has your experience there served you well in the roles you have had since?
Like I said earlier about Frailty, Peter Pan got me future roles and brought me a lot of stuff. Because I did Frailty, I got Peter Pan. One of the producers watched Frailty and said, “hey let’s bring that kid in from Peter Pan.” I went in and did my thing and I was the guy. Peter Pan was another big movie which I starred in and it took me to a different level. A lot of things happened for me after that and I am truly grateful.
Do people seem to recognize you most for that role? Does it ever get annoying?
I do get recognized all the time but it never gets annoying. I can have a full beard, a hat and sunglasses and people will look at me and they are kind of confused but I will smile and they will come up and say they couldn’t recognize me at first but then you had that big smile and that’s what made us realize it was you. I will always be that character, it is going to be one of those characters that is going to live on forever and ever and I am happy to be part of that. In this film in particular, it was just such a beautiful movie that it really hit home for a lot of people and so it is great to have that. I will always be grateful that I made the fans happy and I will always be Peter Pan in my heart. I am an actor so I’m on to other roles and that is what I am working on now.
Jeremy Sumpter as Jacob in New Line Cinema’s and Village
Roadshow Pictures’ thriller “INTO THE STORM,” a Warner Bros. Pictures
release. Photo by Ron Phillips
Is there any one role that has been your favorite?
I would say Peter Pan is one of my favorites.
Can you tell us a little more about Into the Storm? What can our readers expect from that particular film?
Into the Storm is a tornado movie about this group of storm chasers that come to this town where there happens to be an onslaught of tornados. The tornados devastate the town of Silverton and they are caught in the middle of it. In the meantime, you have the father who has lost his son and is searching for him. It is a found footage film. We shoot with cell phones and street cams so it brings you closer to the film. Into the Storm is billed as Twister on steroids. Frailty was my first film and Twister was my favorite film growing up so it was great to work with Bill Paxton and then a few years later I got to work with Helen Hunt on Soul Surfer and now here I am playing a storm chaser in Into the Storm, so I think that’s awesome how that worked out.
What direction do you hope to see your career take in the years ahead? Do you have a dream role you’d most like to play?
For me I want to widen my range of what I do in the entertainment industry. I want to be a producer which I just did. I co-produced a film called The Squeeze. It was great to be able to produce my first film and also star in it. I would like to direct. I would like to be the guy that makes everything that we see happen. It would be cool to do that and I think I would be good at it but I love acting and that is my job.I hope I do it for the rest of my life.
I don’t think about dream roles. I take roles that I like so it’s not like I’m looking for a particular role. I’m open to all types of roles so I can’t really say that I have dream role, because if I had a dream role and played it, what would I do then.
What do you see yourself doing should you ever give up acting?
I will never give up acting. If I wasn’t acting, I would try and go on the PGA tour. When I’m not acting, I play golf every day. I’m a scratch golfer. So if I had the time to really dig into that and spend all my time like I spend on acting and do it toward golf, I think I might be able to get my tour card and maybe win a couple of tournaments. But I am an actor and that is what I do.
What projects are you working on at the moment?
Right now, I am taking some time off to play golf. I just finished a couple of movies. One is called Take Down with Max Deacon who also worked with me on Into the Storm. So it was cool to work with him again on that. It is going to be a great movie and I think you are all going to love it. It was directed by Jim Gillespie and I star in it with Phoebe Tonkin. So look forward to that. I’ve got The Squeeze that comes out next year with Christopher McDonald, directed by Terry Jastrow.
Is there anything you’d like to say before you go?
I love my fans and there is nothing more important to be than making them happy and I will do my best to make sure I keep doing that. I am happy with the way my career is going now and am truly appreciative of fans.
Clay Tidwell is the local schoolmaster and sometimes lawyer of Great Bend. When not shaping the young minds of the town he can likely be found at the local saloon. A connoisseur of alcohol since quite a young age he has a deep love of drink. One of the town’s most colorful citizens he can also be found from time to time filling in during shifts at the local saloon.
What is it like being a schoolmaster in a town like Great Bend?
Being the schoolmaster in Great Bend is thankless. People don’t care about education, so my efforts are mostly wasted. It’s lonely (most potential students are dead) and it’s a daily struggle to not give up on humanity. Other than that, I love it.
Was it refreshing to take a break from your teaching to work as a lawyer?
I wouldn’t say it was refreshing to take a break, because it wasn’t really a break. A break suggests that it was MY idea. I was forced into service. I was forced into prosecuting a very dangerous man who holds grudges. So no, it wasn’t refreshing. A lawyer is what people use when they wanna say mean things to a bad man, but are too scared to do it themselves. That’s why lawyers get paid so much. Oh wait, I had to do it for free as a “service” to the town. fun. refreshing.
Was it a particular scary moment when you had to hide all of those copies of Honey’s tell all book after Cole escaped those proceedings?
If by scary you mean that I pooped in my pants multiple times, then yes.
Did you ever forgive Hoyle for that whole ordeal?
I have not forgiven Hoyle for that debacle. I have a list of 49 transgressions that I have not forgiven Hoyle for. I call him the unforgiven. Hey, that’s a good title for a western movie.
What it is like to live in a town so closed minded to your particular lifestyle?
I know what you’re getting at with this “lifestyle” question. You’re not saying I’m gay, but you want me to out myself. Well…I just did. Yeah, I’m gay. And I don’t care what anyone’s attitude is about it. What I care about is that there aren’t enough men who share my “lifestyle.” Men that I could connect with. Although there are some, they just keep it quiet.
Is it true you starting drinking when you were seven years old with your best friend Sam? Are those moments you remember fondly?
Sam was a dear dear friend. If I could remember specifics about our drunken times together I’m sure I’d remember them fondly. All I really remember is us taking long walks, then opening a bottle. After that there was usually a weird smell and a pool of vomit that I was lying in. But the walks and the opening of the bottle…I do think of those fondly.
Did it feel somewhat therapeutic to be able to open up and talk about your early experiences in the town meeting on alcoholism?
No, it did not feel good to open up at the meeting. People were small minded and insensitive. It’d be nice if there could be a meeting for alcoholics that involved zero judgement and a safe environment. Every time Shank does that weird throaty inhale it’s just a tiny little stomp on my integrity.
Did you enjoy filling in for Pearl for those couple of days? Did doing so give you a newfound respect for how hard the ladies all work over at the saloon?
I gotta say, I really DID enjoy filling in for Pearl. I had more sex than…well than I had since I took that trip to Dodge City when I turned 18. Granted, I had to dress and act like a woman. Believe it or not, that’s not every gay man’s dream. I’m a man. However, I was happy to make this sacrifice…for Pearl. Do I appreciate the hard work they put in now? No. It wasn’t hard. I had sex with men…and got paid. That’s a prize, not work. Although some of those men…have you seen them? Yikes.
Were you surprised to hear the accusations that some of the customers didn’t know you were in fact male? Do you find that insulting?
I don’t find it insulting at all. That means I did a good job. I didn’t want to get caught! Some men may not react kindly when they find out the woman they’re schtooping is actually a man. I will say though, that a few of the men allowed me to penetrate them, so I feel like they knew something was up.
Did you catch any grief for walking out after getting shot during the shoot out during the raid on Cole Younger?
I DID catch grief for walking out early, and here’s why that’s stupid: I’m not a trained professional law enforcement official and I’m not a criminal. I shouldn’t have a gun in the first place. I did a great job though, while I was involved. Then I got shot. I could’ve stayed in the fight and gotten blood all over everybody and distracted everyone from the fight. I was the bigger man and walked away. You’re welcome everyone.
Was it nice to wear frilly dresses and get more in touch with you feminine side?
Like I said, I prefer dressing as a man and am very good at it. I have a panache that people appreciate. I will say though, that I looked the best of all the men. Did you see Shank? I actually felt sorry for how ugly he looked.
What was it about the Jehovah’s Witnesses that drew you into their flock at the time?
The Jehovah’s Witnesses caught me at a time of fear and vulnerability. It looked like the world was gonna end and I needed a ticket out. To be clear, i also signed up for Islam, Judaism, Buddhism and 2nd Presbyterianism. Wanted to cover all my bases. Gotta hedge your bets.
Have you always been a deeply religious man? What are your feelings on life after death and the like?
I’ve never been religious. My religion is survival. And it’s worked out so far. Part of me believes that when you die you arrive at a place where men wear skimpy outfits and fast music plays and we all parade through the streets of big giant cities. We all have so much pride and there are rainbows everywhere. I know that’s ridiculous though, so I’m pretty sure we become worm meat.
What are you about life in Great Bend are you most looking forward to next?
Life in Great Bend is comfortable enough. I’d like more respect to be honest. I’m obviously the smartest person in town, but I don’t get treated that way…because everyone else is so stupid and doesn’t realize how smart I am. Kind of a catch-22…whatever that means. I would like for a caravan of gay men, or at least flamboyant, cultured men to arrive in time. That’s my hope for the future.
Anything else you’d care to say?
What would I like to add? I’m open to a new sheriff, if anyone is thinking about taking over, I’d support you. Also, I worry about dying alone. That’s not supposed to be funny. I truly fear it and think about it every day. Now go enjoy your day everyone. Go enjoy your day.
TheOriginalVanGoghsEarAnthology 